7 Ways to Encourage Independence in Your Child

Children are dependent on their parents for as long as it takes them to grow older and be able to move out of the house. Independence is not something that is easy to build, but it’s something that starts from a very young age. From the moment your child starts asking you to stop helping them, or they tell you no, they don’t need you, that’s when their independence is starting to build.It may be things like putting their own toys in the toy baskets or helping you to scrub potatoes at dinner time. Soon enough, your little one is no longer as little as they used to be, and they’re starting to do more and more for themselves. 

As a parent, this is equally terrifying, but also reassuring. It’s reassuring to know that what you’re teaching your child is having an effect and they are mirroring your behavior, which is what you want. But it’s terrifying because it means that your child is growing up. Summer camps help to build independence in younger children as they spend time away from you during their summer break while you work. Going to school helps to build independence in children because they’re spending hours of their day somewhere else where they’re learning to be their own people and learn new things. But how else can you encourage independence in your child? Let’s take a look at 7 of those ways that you can do so below.

1. Don’t help them straight away. When your child asks you for help with something, you have to give yourself a moment to pause. If your child is old enough to ask you for something and it’s something they definitely can do for themselves, let them figure it out. It’s important that they learn from an early age not to use your brain, but to start using their own. It’s easy to jump in and help, but you need to take a breath and sit on your hands. Don’t cross the line from helping to hindering if you can avoid it. Give them a minute to figure out themselves and be there to supervise, guide and encourage.
2. Think ahead to get them prepared. By the time your child is old enough to go off to college or to move out of your home, you want them to be ready to be adults in the world for themselves. That means they should have no problem putting on a load of laundry or making themselves some dinner. Teaching your young one to cook is important, and teaching them how to clean is also important. You want them dressed independently and you want them to make sure they spend time out of their bedroom and with their friends. Start these changes from very young and they’ll never know any different.
3. Take one step at a time. When your 4 year old wants to put their own laundry into the wash basket in the laundry room, this is an exciting prospect. But this is not the moment to teach them how to put on a wash or how to use different detergents. Everything should be done one step at a time. A 2 year old can carry a grocery bag in from the car, but that may be the limit of their interest. As they get older and you give your children more responsibility, they will soon learn how to make independent decisions for themselves based on what you are teaching them.
4. Teach. Yes, your child goes to school, but that’s not where they learn how to clean a toilet or how to put together a recipe from scratch. Don’t assume that your child knows how to do something when you ask them to tidy their room. That’s an overwhelming task in itself, so break it down into smaller steps. Teach them how to tidy a bedroom so that it’s easy to do. Teach them how to change their bed sheets. Teach them how to do a laundry load. All of these small steps can be broken down into even smaller bites so that your child is learning how to do things without feeling overwhelmed.
5. Don’t get stuck in a loop. If you suggest to your child that you want to help them, they can easily tell you no. Instead of asking them if they need help, tell them it’s your turn and take turns. For example, if your child is making breakfast and it’s the first time they’ve ever tried to pour a gallon bottle of milk, instead of saying ‘do you need help?’ tell them ‘it’s my turn to pour now’. That way they feel like it’s turn taking and that you’re not taking over the task. Taking over the task can make them lose their confidence in themselves. You don’t want to do that.
   
6. Always offer a choice. Giving your child some element of control over what they do is important. Do they want to go to some camp or would they prefer to, say, a relative? Do they want to have something with vegetables for dinner or do they want to have something with hidden vegetables for dinner? If the laundry is done, do they want to fold the clothes or do they want to put them away? Do they want to carry their backpack or their lunch bag to school? This way they are making an independent choice, but they’re still doing something that makes them responsible.
7. Give them room to solve their problem. Independence is so much more than doing things by themselves. They need to take ownership of tasks so that they can do their very best with them. Give them space to do that, and you’ll see how they can figure it out for themselves.

As a parent, it can be terrifying to allow your child to be more independent, but guess what happens when they let go of your hand to do so? You get your hand back, you get your time back, and you get to see the progress that you’ve made as a parent.