Marriage used to be an almost unbreakable bond between two people. Your parents – and possibly grandparents depending on your age – have been together for decades. They came from eras when you’d get married very young and that would be it. You were sorted for life. That’s why so many older people celebrate 50, 60, or 70 years of marriage; back in the day, if you were married, you were married for life.
Fast forward to now and you see far more unsuccessful marriages. Couples get together, get married, and then it all falls apart within a few years. The biggest reason for this difference is the societal view of marriage now and back then. We see marriage differently now and people aren’t afraid to get divorced – specifically, women don’t feel “trapped” in relationships anymore. If this was how things were back when our parents or grandparents were getting together, we’re sure the marriage success rates would be similar!
Still, you can absolutely make marriage work. The ultimate key is finding the right person, but every successful marriage needs a few additional things as well. We’ll explain what they are and talk briefly about the importance of marriage, even in the modern era.
Why Is A Good Marriage Important?
For one, it’s important for your happiness. Nobody wants to be in a bad relationship, let alone a bad marriage. It can make you feel trapped and getting a divorce is still a fairly scary thing – especially from a legal standpoint. You’ll need to involve solicitors, not to mention a child custody lawyer if children are involved.
And that touches on the biggest reason you need a successful marriage; your family.
Kids deserve to grow up in a stable home environment as it helps them develop. We’re not saying there’s anything wrong with children who grow up in split households, but going through a divorce has a long-lasting impact on them. It can affect them in ways they don’t understand until they’re much older – the divorce could subconsciously dictate some of their life choices.
You need to make your marriage work for the good of your kids, yet you also don’t want to force a broken marriage to stay together. The key is preventing your marriage from breaking down, to begin with. As noted, picking the right partner is crucial, but what else does a marriage need?
Keep reading to find the essential secrets to a long-lasting, successful marriage:
Good Communication At All Times
Communication is crucial for a marriage to last. The two of you need to talk to one another all the time, about everything! It fosters an open relationship (no, not like that) where there are no secrets and few misunderstandings.
Some people think that arguments are a normal part of relationships. By all means, you’re bound to have disagreements – it’s impossible to live with another human being and not disagree about things sometimes. But arguing all the time isn’t a sign of a healthy relationship at all! More often than not, it’s a sign that the communication is breaking down.
Arguments happen when you either don’t understand one another or do things without telling the other person. Maybe one of you moved where something was at home and the other person can’t find it. They start getting annoyed and an argument brews. This is avoided if you talk about things before doing them. Stay in the loop and you’ll always understand what the other person is thinking and why they might make certain decisions.
Most importantly, communication means you know your partner on the deepest level possible. Listen to their innermost worries and understand why they’re feeling things. If you always communicate, you always feel like someone is supporting you, and that’s a very strong foundation for a successful marriage.
Making Time For One Another
A lot of marriages break down because the two people stop making time for one another. It’s a classic tale; you’re smitten when you start dating, then you get married and become caught up in raising a family. Your children (rightfully) deserve a lot of your attention – but not all of it.
You must make time for one another even when you’ve got a family to raise. It can sound a bit selfish, but spending all your time on your kids means the two of you get left out. Make the effort to spend more time alone as a couple. This could be by scheduling regular date nights or booking small vacations while the grandparents look after the kids.
If you make time for one another, it shows that you both still care. It’s very common for one person in a relationship to feel left behind or neglected at times. They want some attention from their partner, so be sure they get it!
Being Thankful And Appreciative
A marriage will never last unless both parties are thankful and appreciative of what they’ve got. Take some time now and then to think about your situation and what you’ve got in life. Be thankful for where you are and who you’re starting a family with.
This goes back to the communication point as well. It’s good to think these thoughts, but it’s even better when you voice them. Get into the habit of showing your appreciation for your partner – and vice versa. The two of you deserve to know that you’re appreciated by the other person and that they’re thankful for everything you do.
You don’t need to make grand gestures here – sometimes, the best thing is a simple kiss on the forehead saying “Thanks for doing that earlier” or “Thank you so much for looking after the kids today.” It’s not rocket science; two people will stay together when there’s a mutual understanding of appreciation between them.
Trust And Respect
Trust is the backbone of every strong relationship. You will NEVER have a successful marriage if you don’t trust your partner. The same goes for them not trusting you. When trust breaks down, the relationship soon follows.
Respect goes hand in hand with trust; you need to respect your partner enough to trust them. Showing any lack of faith is a sign of disrespect and this leads down a slippery slope. From your side of things, maintaining trust and respect is easy. Give your partner no reason to mistrust you. Hopefully, they do the same to you.
Once more, we’re going back to the topic of communication. Open communication in a relationship builds trust. You’re not hiding any secrets and you feel more connected to one another. The easiest way to develop mistrust in your marriage is when your partner isn’t being open with you. They’re not communicating properly and it makes you feel like they’re hiding something.
Here’s the kicker; they might not be hiding anything at all. It could be a simple case of them not knowing how to communicate, which is why you should encourage this from the early stages of your relationship. If you question them when they know they’ve done nothing wrong, it sews seeds of doubt in their mind. They feel a lack of respect coming from you as you didn’t trust them. It’s another one of those things in a marriage that can easily be prevented by good communication.
Maintaining A Strong Level Of Intimacy
What makes marriage different from being really good friends with someone? Until now, all the points in this article could be used to describe what’s needed in a great friendship. Marriage is different as it should include levels of intimacy. This is another thing that can slowly fade over time in a relationship. You start dating and you’re always so intimate with one another. You hold hands or link arms wherever you go, you kiss each other all the time, and you have plenty of sex.
It is somewhat normal for the level of intimacy to die down a bit, particularly as you get older and your hormones change. Still, you should never neglect it. Try to maintain a strong level of intimacy throughout your life. Even if it’s as simple as holding hands when you go shopping or kissing each other now and then.
You’ll find your entire marriage improves dramatically when intimacy is involved. It takes you back to the time when you first started dating – but it also provides some validity to one another. It’s normal to doubt your self-worth when you reach a certain age and worry about being attractive. Having a partner who’s keen to be intimate with you squashes these thoughts. You feel attractive because of how they react to you and the things they do.
This article makes marriage seem like a piece of cake, and to be honest…it is. That may sound naive to some, but the reason many marriages fail is that they don’t focus on these five things. Most importantly – and sorry to keep banging this drum – but they don’t focus on communication! Talk to one another, maintain a strong level of trust, find time to be together, be thankful for your relationship, and always remain intimate.
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